I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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