I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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