It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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