one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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