we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I use my feet as sexual weapons
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize