I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
