if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
