If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
