Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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