I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
