dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
