the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
