you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
