i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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