I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
