when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
