you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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