You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
