I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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