Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
