Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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