C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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