I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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