He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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