We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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