I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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