One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
