Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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