did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
