My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
