im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
