Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
