he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
It's official drugs can't kill me
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
