did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
