made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
