i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize