Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
