i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
