Plan B is the new Plan A
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
