how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
