I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
