Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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