did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize