I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize