your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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