So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
