Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He better not be in your backpack
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
