We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize