at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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