GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
