I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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