is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
