Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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