I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
