Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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