May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
