Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
