At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize