How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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