im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
