Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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