1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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