Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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