it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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