Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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