I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
