There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
