is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Randomize
