I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
