I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Your penis caused this!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
