he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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