Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
