do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
