There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
