i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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