I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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