our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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