He had one of those small greek statue penises
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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