have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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