i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize