Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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