I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize