We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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