Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
