I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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