Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
