she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
