Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
