I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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