i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
