i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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