Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
third nipple confirmed
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
