He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
