I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
