I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize