i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
