my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
