why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
