Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
