I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize